I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
