I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize