First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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