I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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