Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
