Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sorry about my life...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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