oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
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it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
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So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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