If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
