I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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