he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
