Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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