Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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