Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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