We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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