I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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