do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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