Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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