He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize