she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
