My underwear smells like fireworks.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
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Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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