i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
