i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
