Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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