where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
