I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
