i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
