zippers are such a cool invention
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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