I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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