I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
