the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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