You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
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