4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I came so hard my ears popped.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
