I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
