Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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