Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
