Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
