could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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