he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
