I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
