I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
