Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
