just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
