Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
