You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
