i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
