I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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