got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
