Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize