I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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