Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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