I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
