Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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