I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
