he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
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Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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