i just wanna soil my oats bro
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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