Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
