I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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