hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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