Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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