Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
