I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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