If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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