FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
