i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
