It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
