Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
