I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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