Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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