Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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