My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Congratulations! We have a period
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
