Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
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The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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